so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
