come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
