my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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