I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
