dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize