Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
