the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Who wears a wallet chain?!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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