we're chasing vodka with high fives
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
