I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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