Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im holly from the hills drunk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize