Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I will be naked everywhere
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
