Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
