She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
