PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
