Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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