I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize