I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
