i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need a beard to bite.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
