so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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