you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Randomize
