So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
