insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
