How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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