I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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