I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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