I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
