Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
