It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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