Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
