Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
