You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
two words: eviction party
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize