so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
did you just send me my own nude
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
