i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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