all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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