So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
