Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Houston, we have a blender
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
