He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
