ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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