I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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