i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I love you. Go after that dick
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
