Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
