If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
