Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
