I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
