somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
