I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
