This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
