who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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