i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
