New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
