I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just want nice things and good sex
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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