so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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