She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
