apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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