So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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