ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
