The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
