i don't like sucking hair
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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