i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize