I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
