Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
