It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
