just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
