I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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