I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
