So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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