Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
