dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
