Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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