I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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