It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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