So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I intend to get homeless drunk
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
