my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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