Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
