Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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