i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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