when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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