2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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