I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
