her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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