loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
