That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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