Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
