Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
