His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
