so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
