Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
