Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
