I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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