I'm so fucking centered right now
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Still dying that you shit outside
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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