there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
