oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
