But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Barsexuality is the new black.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
