I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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