i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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