I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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