White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
