I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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