those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
