dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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