Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
