Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
