everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize