I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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