we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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