Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
