went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
