The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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