mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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