I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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