a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
