your room smells of hookers.
And success
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
