Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
