God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
