The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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